I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
