He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
