I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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