so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
