I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
