i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
