if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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