I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
