There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you still have your period?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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