My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
