The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
