Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
