i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
