I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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