Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
cat food counts as protein by the way
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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