Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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