He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
