Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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