party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
