people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
