just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
