Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
