I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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