hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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