3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
