They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
