would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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