Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
