the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
