My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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