id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
