There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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