you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
