My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
