I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
4 words: hood of his car
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the raccoons are back...
Randomize