I just saw a hot homeless man
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
