Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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