Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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