Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
