GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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