come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
