i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize