i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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