Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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