Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize