I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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