The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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