Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
