I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
