Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
