Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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