When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize