We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
