the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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