I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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