Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
operation have a gay friend backfired
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
