everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Bring me that man meat
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
