how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
