When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
