my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize