Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
