she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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