I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
