just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
