she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
