If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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